(no subject)

[mezzanineview]

[mood| uncomfortable]
[music|Lady Madonna--The Beatles, Love]

At what point in your life do you become aware of the degree that things, good or bad, affect you in regards of attitude, opinion, emotions, or what have you? I find myself asking this question because I've come to this terrifying crossroad in my head where I can't really feel anything. I'm not damaged, per se, but I really think I should be more affected by the events in my life, not just feel like a spectator.

Winter Formal should have been a wonderful time for me, but I'm just out of place, ad even so, that doesn't bother me because I've already glazed it over in my head. I can't seem to connect experiences to emotional impact anymore. A teacher at my highschool just died, for Christ's sake, and I feel nothing but a tweak of remorse (in my defense, I never met him, but Liz and Sandi had him), the I've already moved on since finding out just yesterday. My grades have dropped in many of my classes, yet I can't bring myself to do makeup work, or do the mindlesly tedious homework assigned to us. What's going on? Am I just taking what I have for granted? Am I rationalizing what's happening in order to maintain a mental status quo?



It's unsettling how little I care.

Comments

[msieurbleuciel.livejournal.com]

You don't have to care a single iota: just git 'r dun, naw'mean?

Seriously, it's not at all uncommon to stop giving a hoot so late in your high school career. Just do what you need to do to get by in class, and find something that makes you happy everywhere else. TV makes me happy. Am I doing anything worthy or progressive? Not really. But that's life - you can't always be making a huge difference, even in your own life.

Just give it time. You'll find something to care about before you even realize it.

[vinylsigns.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm just depressed because I haven't got anyone like you or Julie to talk to around here anymore. I grasp at straws to come up with something amusing or insightful to say, and even when I occasionally pull that off, the effect is lost on them, but most of the time I feel like I'm coming off as desperate for acceptance. My realtionships are strained and I'm moving outside my comfort zone and leaving myself open for criticism, but I can't take that. I'm trying to figure out where my social retardedness comes from, so far to no success. I think if I fix that, I'll find something enjoyable with other people, and not just being alone. Loneliness is depressing.