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Mar. 29th, 2007 07:59 pm[mood| 
annoyed]
[music|The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage--Panic! At The Disco, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out]
I'm getting really sick of people who basically ignore me no matter what I do. It's really depressig when you walk into a small group of people you've known for years and it just kind of...disintigrates. Then I'm left standing alone again. I always go to them, they never come to me. I haven't changed at all. High school was supposed to mean something, I'm pretty sure. I was supposed to make lifelong friends and all that cliche stuff, but it's really never going to happen. We all go our separate ways, and we never talk to eachother anymore, even though communication is so fucking easy nowadays. I miss the days when I didn't have to think about how people would see me and know how boring I am, because it didn't matter then. I had a select number of people, small enough to tick off to my hand, that I could trust to listen to me and give me feedback, let me know what they thought beyond how hot some guy looks, or when am I going to get a boyfriend, or how much fun you're going to have at Disneyland tday while I'm still stuck in school before I drag my feet to work. I miss substance. I felt so attached to them that I didn't think I'd survive the years without them in high school, but here I am, though still worse for the wear. No, I only thought I was that attached. That's why it didn't hurt so much as it just left a little hollow space in my chest, a blind spot in my head where their voices belonged. That doesn't make sense. None of this does. I hate being confused constantly. I hate how I have to go back over whatever I type because the keyboard doesn't work properly sometimes, event though I just cleaned it and I only got my laptop a little over a year ago. I hate having to defend my taste in music, and the close-minded pricks who can so easily perpetuate meaningless labels. I need to finish my homework. I need to write. I need to read. There aren't enough hours in the day for what I need.
I'm tired.
annoyed][music|The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage--Panic! At The Disco, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out]
I'm getting really sick of people who basically ignore me no matter what I do. It's really depressig when you walk into a small group of people you've known for years and it just kind of...disintigrates. Then I'm left standing alone again. I always go to them, they never come to me. I haven't changed at all. High school was supposed to mean something, I'm pretty sure. I was supposed to make lifelong friends and all that cliche stuff, but it's really never going to happen. We all go our separate ways, and we never talk to eachother anymore, even though communication is so fucking easy nowadays. I miss the days when I didn't have to think about how people would see me and know how boring I am, because it didn't matter then. I had a select number of people, small enough to tick off to my hand, that I could trust to listen to me and give me feedback, let me know what they thought beyond how hot some guy looks, or when am I going to get a boyfriend, or how much fun you're going to have at Disneyland tday while I'm still stuck in school before I drag my feet to work. I miss substance. I felt so attached to them that I didn't think I'd survive the years without them in high school, but here I am, though still worse for the wear. No, I only thought I was that attached. That's why it didn't hurt so much as it just left a little hollow space in my chest, a blind spot in my head where their voices belonged. That doesn't make sense. None of this does. I hate being confused constantly. I hate how I have to go back over whatever I type because the keyboard doesn't work properly sometimes, event though I just cleaned it and I only got my laptop a little over a year ago. I hate having to defend my taste in music, and the close-minded pricks who can so easily perpetuate meaningless labels. I need to finish my homework. I need to write. I need to read. There aren't enough hours in the day for what I need.
I'm tired.
